This is a picture of me on my way to Burning Man and let me preface this article by telling you I was extremely nervous and not even sure I wanted to go. I decided after a difficult year that this had to be my year of "YES", to every situation presented to me, whether it makes me terribly uncomfortable or is completely out of my gay normal box, I had to say "YES". So when my friend Ryan presented the great and personally terrifying thought of Burning Man to me... I had to follow my rules and say yes. I was so nervous that I was going to go and get sucked into some horrible dusty hippie world that I would try once and be done with. All my thoughts ended up being completely wrong because what I experienced was something magical that I could have never predicted...
After many hours of traveling by plane and bus, I hopped off the bus(in a white out) and did the virgin ritual of ringing the virgin bell and screaming "I AM NOT A VIRGIN" and the ever so clean, virgin dust angel. I pulled up to the beautiful camp that is Comfort and Joy, lined with neon flags and decoand knew it couldn't have fit my personality any better. Walking into camp I was a bit hesitant because I was showing up mid week and nobody wants to be seen as a "sparkle pony" (someone who shows up for the glitz and glam but doesn't contribute or become part of the community). Little did I know that the volunteer hours I signed up for would be the best way to meet new and amazing people with the biggest hearts in the world.
The first night Ryan turned to me and said tonight we are going to the Playa, anything you see or want to do, we are going to do. So on we rode on our spectacular pink and purple bikes adorned with bright lights (so people wouldn't run us over in the night by their art cars). As I pushed off the ground entering into the Playa, the world transformed into something magical. I had never felt such an incredible sense of enchantment and art mixed with all the happiest feelings in the world. I described it to my friends as some fantasy Disney land light show dream that only your wildest fantasies could ever even imagine. The beautiful art, bright lights, and incredible music blaring through the Playa was the most incredible, inspirational, and breath taking combination I think I have ever had. I quickly realized I was truly in for the ride of a lifetime...
I went in with two goals and I thought, "there's honestly no way that this will happen, but here's to hoping". My first goal was this: To find creativity and motivation that would push me to pursuing my actual dreams again. My second goal, a goal that I found to be the most important: To fall in love again. To be able to open my heart and fall in love with people again and stop being so angry at them. Not only open my heart to friendships but open my heart to LOVE because recently, that has been the toughest kind for me. Little did I know not only would I find the love in others, feel like I could open my heart again, but that I would find love somewhere else that was needed, within myself.
Finding my creativity came easy, every day spent there, in the Playa, around these beautiful kind people, seeing all the costumes and outfits; drove my creativity crazy in all the best ways. I figured out in coming back to the "real world", that this creativity was there all along. Now that we are getting older, we sometimes push out this fantasy world when really it was there all along. Every single component of Burning Man gave me the inspiration to realize I could make my dreams come true if I just stopped being so damn scared all the time.
LOVE, isn't that just a funny word, it sounds so easy but why is it so hard to find. Not having your phones constantly attached to you did something amazing, it drove you to actually look into the eyes of the people around you and really, really get to know them. It was something I had never felt before, people being so open to LOVE. Something about the energy there allowed you to finally stop caring so much and just open your heart. Little did I know that I also started being able to open my heart to my romantic side of LOVE. I found myself being able to connect with people on a different level again and it felt like electricity through my neon leggings. Who knew that my cold heart could melt again and I could feel butterflies again. BM did something really special to me. As I said my goodbyes after the week, I started crying because I knew I hadn't just made any ordinary friends but I had made friends for a lifetime.
So to get to the unexpected part for me... for someone who seems so comfortable in their skin and in who they are, how could BM make me find love for himself? Something about this place, playa magic or not, opened my heart and broke down every single boundary I've had. Watching the temple burn down in silence my heart smiled and my eyes cried, for I had never felt more like me in my entire life. I came home to hear that people thought that my picture was immature and trashy but to me that picture meant one thing... FREEDOM. I have never felt so happy and so free to be me with no judgement, that's what Burning Man does for you. It takes away all judgement, all hate, all idea's of what's right and wrong and it makes you feel just... free. That's something I would never take away from anyone, the right to feel free and feel loved. We focus so much on the negativity and what's wrong and right instead of enjoying life, smiling, loving, and being who WE are meant to be. That is all I ask of others, just be yourself because that alone is the most important thing in the world.
"Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive, who is youer than you."
To sum it up, Burning Man wasn't just some druggy festival of hippies going crazy and dancing to music. To me it was so much more, it was LOVE, pure deep love and acceptance. And once you feel something like that, you never want to let it go. So, are you wondering if I will be back next year? You're thinking, how did he not complain about the dust or the negative sides? Well here's the thing; the low moments, the sad moments, were outweighed by the growth, acceptance and love. So, here I am, maybe sounding like every person I thought was crazy raving about Burning Man... well, I am a Burner and I wouldn't have it any other way.